Our 2010 Christmas Letter

We shared this letter with our immediate family this year but we wanted to share it with you all. Merry Christmas!

Dear Friends and Family,

            This is really the first year we have sat down to write a letter to let you know about our lives. I hope this letter finds you all well and anticipating the joys of this season. What can I say; our lives have seen so much this past year. This has truly been the most difficult year we have ever been through. I want to start by thanking all of you who have supported us through the past year’s events. We have been blessed with so much love and support that it truly is overwhelming and impossible to thank everyone for all the help they have given us.

            Our struggles really began over a year ago as Gladys and I began thinking about having a third child. We prayed and felt that children truly are a blessing from the Lord and to have a bag full of quivers (children) is a sign of God’s love and trust towards us. Despite what the world, and sadly many Christians believe, a home full of children is a blessing and not a burden. So we decided to try and have a baby and in typical Lasley/Araujo style it did not take long. We were celebrating the new life growing in Gladys and anticipating the baby’s arrival. Unfortunately, because the world is not as it should be, the life inside of Gladys would not survive and after 8 weeks of having the privilege of carrying God’s creation we miscarried. I buried that baby in our backyard by our garden because I just didn’t know what else to do. I go back there occasionally and look at the spot and think about my lost child; little did I know then that it would be two children before this year ended.

            This year began with Gladys getting pregnant in January as we decided to try again. We waited until after the first few months to really share the news with friends and family as we did not want to break Nate and Sammy’s hearts again if the baby miscarried. When we told Nate about the first miscarriage he literally dropped into our laps and balled his little eyes out. It was really difficult to deal with and I did not want to have to go through that again. But I have discovered that we are not in control, we really are not in control of life. God is the giver and all life is in His hands. Anyway, we told everyone and we told the boys. We had many decisions to make regarding the new birth. We prayed and read and became probably the most educated parents we know on the birth process and all the various options that exist for giving birth. We studied and studied and prayed and prayed and through it all we settled on a plan and we know that God led us in that direction.

            We had a wonderfully healthy baby by all medical standards. We had all of the ultrasounds; heart monitoring and baby check ups that the average pregnant women have. We had one of the best birth teams anybody could have and we had from every appearance the best pregnancy and healthiest baby we ever had. Gladys even took care of herself better than she ever had. She did not gain near as much weight and she ate much healthier. We did everything humanly possible to love this child into the world. Everything seemed great and God was blessing us in so many ways. Gladys had all sorts of new baby stuff practically given to us through craigslist. We got a free crib, video monitors, and a beautiful pack-n-play practically given to us. God even blessed me with a side job teaching as an adjunct for a nearby university that paid for us to get away to the beach in Florida for a 5 day vacation to celebrate our new arrival and our 10 year anniversary.

            There were a couple of things that played out this year that looking back were definite signs of God working because He knew what was coming. Sometime in January I was asked to lead a mission trip to Mexico for our church and I was so excited about it. However, the timing of it was going to be tricky as we would be having a baby late in October and the trip was set to take place in the middle of November. Gladys and I talked and we both thought it would be ok to plan the trip as long as the church knew that the timing might not work and they may need to find a last minute leader for the trip if for some reason the baby was late and I couldn’t make it. The mission committee in their wisdom and their listening to God decided that it would be best to just go ahead with another leader rather than take that chance on me not making it. I was disappointed but I totally understood that decision and looking back God was definitely in control and He knew I would not make that trip. The other thing that happened was that my band had too many events scheduled in October and November. Gladys and I tend to disagree sometimes about my hobby/ministry because I tend to be selfish about what I want and not thinking about the needs of my family. I realized that I had overcommitted and this has happened before. I had to back out of those events and that usually makes a band look pretty bad, but everything worked out for the events we cancelled. No one was upset with us and other things took place that would have cancelled some of those events anyway.

            I guess I am rambling but I sense that God was preparing us because after Isabella came and then passed away I needed so much time to deal with her loss and my family needed me. God was in control. His ways are definitely not my ways and I have a hard time understanding why instead of orchestrating my life around the death of our daughter he could have just orchestrated our daughter to live. But by His decisions that was not what was in store for us.

            Gladys’ labor was beautiful. She was so strong and Isabella again appeared to be very strong by all human wisdom. Her heart endured intense contractions and never really gave us a sign that she had a cord wrapped around her neck 6 times. We really did not know there was any trouble until the moment she entered the world and we saw what had happened. Those images will haunt me forever, images of the cord, her lifeless, limp body and the professionals trying to administer CPR and nose suctioning on such a frail little person. Gladys and I, after realizing that we needed God to give her breath, began praying and praying for her. We wailed and prayed for what felt like an eternity until she was whisked away by the medical people to try and give her life. But it was not to be. She never did take that first breath and we never saw her wiggle and cry out those wonderful newborn cries.

            I am sorry if this letter is so sad and hard to read. But this is what our year has been, this is who we are. We are the parents of two boys on earth and two babies in heaven. They will never be with us here but we will go to them. Many of you never got to hear our story from us and frankly it is too hard to repeat over and over again, so I wanted to share our story with you. We had many joys those 9 months of feeling Isabella, hearing her beautiful heart and seeing her through ultrasounds. We have many beautiful pictures of her after she was born and the time we had with her in the hospital. We have many blessings, but sometimes it is hard to see those through the grief. We love you all and we know you have shared in our grief. We pray that those of you who do not know our Savior will meet Him and come to know Him as we have for He truly is the only One getting us through this time. For those of you that know Him, cling to Him even more for He is our ever present help in times of trouble. This may be a great upcoming year for you but never neglect those things that are most important – your friends, your spouse and children, your family and most of all the Savior Jesus Christ. I wrote a song a few years ago “Hold on to the memories, they fade so fast, there’s pain in these broken dreams, but it’s going to pass.” I never knew how prophetic that would be for us. Cherish the blessings you have, cherish the little things with your family because it all does pass one day. May you find the peace that passes all understanding when you face tragedies in the living years. God Bless!

                                                                                   Chris, Gladys, Nate and Sammy

“Mentioning my child’s name may make me cry. Not mentioning my child’s name will break my heart.” – Unknown

The True Meaning of Christmas

Note to the Reader:

I did not set out to make this a faith based blog that is trying to convert my readers to my faith. I do believe what I hold to is the truth but my intention in this blog is just to write about my struggles. It just happens that Christmas time is here and my struggles have to do with the expression “The true meaning of Christmas.” I needed to think through this and so this blog is somewhat proselytizing, but truly not intentionally. For those of you that don’t share my faith – I hope you understand, but I want to warn you that this blog is about my faith more so than the other blogs.

Every year we inevitably hear the question, what is the true meaning of Christmas? We go to Christmas dramas at church and we watch holiday classic movies. We go to Christmas parties and spend time with family and friends and just about every year I still manage to walk away from these things feeling somewhat empty and I have a feeling in me that this question never really was answered to my satisfaction. What is the true meaning of Christmas? Why do we pull our hair out every year trying to get the best deal so we can manage to afford indulging our kids in things they will toss to the side of their closest before next Christmas? Is giving gifts really the true meaning of Christmas or is it a shadow of the true meaning? Is spending time with those we love the true meaning of Christmas or is spending time with those we love a shadow of the true meaning of Christmas.

I love to watch Christmas movies. There are so many classics that I must watch every year. They are small reminders to me of the true meaning of Christmas, at least they are small shadows of the true meaning of Christmas. I love Charlie Brown’s Christmas because it has such a great message at the end when we find that the true meaning of Christmas is the baby Jesus but it stops there, He was born but so what, what does that mean to the meaning of Christmas? I have to watch some of the silly movies too. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase has to be one of the funniest Christmas movies ever made. But usually what touches me are movies like Miracle on 34^th Street, and how could I not mention It’s a Wonderful Life. It reminds me of how our life is what it is and to trade it in for another would not compare to the blessing we truly do have with our friends and family. I am grateful for my life, for the few real friends that I have and especially for my family both immediate and nuclear. My all-time favorite Christmas movie/story is A Christmas Carol. It doesn’t really matter which version it is, classical black and white, Mickey’s Christmas Carol or even Jim Carrey who I never thought I could like in A Christmas Carol, but he pulled it off. I watched Disney’s newest version of A Christmas Carol with Jim Carrey and it was made kind of like The Polar Express with the cool surreal graphics. I really enjoyed watching that because it reminds me of the meaning of Christmas that we are here to touch each other’s lives at least it reminds me of a shadow of the meaning of Christmas. (By the way, it is scary so screen it before letting the kiddos watch it.)

                You see, the meaning of Christmas is kind of hard to explain because we all have differing points of view that give Christmas meaning to us. I saw this in our church’s Christmas drama this past week. Frankly, it didn’t do much for me. Not for any reason in the music just because of my own inner turmoil with having a hard time enjoying much this season because we lost Isabella. She will not be physically part of our Christmas and that is truly ridiculous for me when I think about it. She was so perfect, fearfully and wonderfully made and she just did not take to life for some unknown reason. Yes, there was the cord and yes there will always be ways to explain it, but the reality is, she just did not take that breath on her own. She just did not take to life. So when I watch church musicals or dramas or even my favorite stories it is just not that satisfying. When I hear people say things like, wow, we have just experienced the true meaning of Christmas, I role my eyes and think, I didn’t, I don’t know what you are talking about. But that is me being honest, I’m kind of a jerk inside my head, be glad you aren’t let in too often. Seriously, I am glad that others find meaning in such things. This year I just don’t find much meaning in those usual things. But I did stop to think about that phrase this year, “The true meaning of Christmas.” For the first time in my life I think I really understand.

                I know that Jesus’ birth is the true meaning; it is the true reason why we celebrate. But what is it about that birth that we celebrate. Well, in truth we celebrate that birth because in that birth we can celebrate His death. Celebrate death? That sounds kind of twisted doesn’t it? But it is true! It is in his death that we have life. However, the meaning of Christmas is not just found in Christ’s death. It is found in the suffering that Christ experienced while on this earth. Jesus knew suffering. He experienced the loss of his earthly, adopted father; he was challenged to run the family business until the other kids were old enough to take over. He was betrayed by a close friend. He was tortured beyond what any of us can humanly comprehend by some of the most ruthless torturers the world has ever known, all because a group of religious leaders felt threatened by what he was doing to their traditions. He never owned land or a home, never married and had a family; he was really as poor as poor could be living off donations. He truly knew what suffering was physically but he also knew suffering in a spiritual sense. As he hung upon the cross, a devise of endless torture that lasted sometimes days, he experienced the outpouring of all our rebellion against God. He truly experienced spiritual separation from God as that was taking place and he screamed out “My God! Why have you forsaken me?” For the first time he felt a separation from the unity he had with God and that truly is spiritual suffering

Before I really get too preachy I want to bring this back full circle, the reason I find meaning in Christ birth this year is because for the first time in my life I have experienced real suffering. I have lost something so near and dear to my heart. I have tasted something so beautiful only to have it ripped away. You see, I now realize in my heart what my head has always known. This world sucks in so many ways. Life is miserably difficult and it is not as it should be. It is messed up and bad thing happen to both good and bad people (whatever that means - good and bad people, I’m not sure any of us are as good as we think). But what Jesus did on that Cross, what he did by sacrificing his perfect sinless life was to provide an opportunity for you and me to escape this suffering. It may take until I turn 100 years old but I will escape this suffering world. My life on earth will be so small in comparison to eternity.

                I apologize to my friends who are reading this who do not believe in my faith. I know I have been preachy and believe me, it has not been intentional. I honestly wish I could be more intentional more often because I do believe I have the truth to life that is the only real source of peace to deal with life. Many people believe what I hold on to is just a crutch to help me get through it because the human animal needs something to believe in. This is not a fairy-tale to make me feel better. Believe me, if I could rationalize a different faith in my head that makes sense then I would follow it. See I don’t like being told how much of a sinner I am. I don’t like being told I’m in rebellion to my creator and I will be separated from him in hell unless I follow his plan of salvation. But my desire for the truth is greater than my desire for something that makes me feel good. His ways are not my ways. I would have chosen to believe in something much more attractive than the death of Jesus on the cross to save me from my sins if I could. The problem for me is that nothing else makes as much sense as Christianity to me. It makes perfect sense to me and it is very rationally based. Of course, there is an element of faith involved. Miracles are hard to believe in, especially when the miracle we hoped for never came true. There are elements of theology that are hard to understand, like the trinity and it does require some faith to believe. But the truth that Jesus Christ came and suffered so that one day our suffering could be eliminated if we just trust him makes complete sense to me – now more than ever.

                Isabella died and her death is a great example to us all that life sucks and is full of suffering. But the true meaning of Christmas is wrapped up in the truth that Jesus came to set us free from suffering. One day I will taste death because I am a sinner, but it won’t last long because I have a Savior who will not let me see decay and I will live with him and Isabella because he sought me out and helped me see that He is the way the truth and the life. He came so that we could have life and have it to the full. He came so that my suffering will one day be gone when I stand face to face with the one who suffered in my place.

Amen, come Lord quickly.