Note to the Reader:
I did not set out to make this a faith based blog that is trying to convert my readers to my faith. I do believe what I hold to is the truth but my intention in this blog is just to write about my struggles. It just happens that Christmas time is here and my struggles have to do with the expression “The true meaning of Christmas.” I needed to think through this and so this blog is somewhat proselytizing, but truly not intentionally. For those of you that don’t share my faith – I hope you understand, but I want to warn you that this blog is about my faith more so than the other blogs.
Every year we inevitably hear the question, what is the true meaning of Christmas? We go to Christmas dramas at church and we watch holiday classic movies. We go to Christmas parties and spend time with family and friends and just about every year I still manage to walk away from these things feeling somewhat empty and I have a feeling in me that this question never really was answered to my satisfaction. What is the true meaning of Christmas? Why do we pull our hair out every year trying to get the best deal so we can manage to afford indulging our kids in things they will toss to the side of their closest before next Christmas? Is giving gifts really the true meaning of Christmas or is it a shadow of the true meaning? Is spending time with those we love the true meaning of Christmas or is spending time with those we love a shadow of the true meaning of Christmas.
I love to watch Christmas movies. There are so many classics that I must watch every year. They are small reminders to me of the true meaning of Christmas, at least they are small shadows of the true meaning of Christmas. I love Charlie Brown’s Christmas because it has such a great message at the end when we find that the true meaning of Christmas is the baby Jesus but it stops there, He was born but so what, what does that mean to the meaning of Christmas? I have to watch some of the silly movies too. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase has to be one of the funniest Christmas movies ever made. But usually what touches me are movies like Miracle on 34th Street, and how could I not mention It’s a Wonderful Life. It reminds me of how our life is what it is and to trade it in for another would not compare to the blessing we truly do have with our friends and family. I am grateful for my life, for the few real friends that I have and especially for my family both immediate and nuclear. My all-time favorite Christmas movie/story is A Christmas Carol. It doesn’t really matter which version it is, classical black and white, Mickey’s Christmas Carol or even Jim Carrey who I never thought I could like in A Christmas Carol, but he pulled it off. I watched Disney’s newest version of A Christmas Carol with Jim Carrey and it was made kind of like The Polar Express with the cool surreal graphics. I really enjoyed watching that because it reminds me of the meaning of Christmas that we are here to touch each other’s lives at least it reminds me of a shadow of the meaning of Christmas. (By the way, it is scary so screen it before letting the kiddos watch it.)
You see, the meaning of Christmas is kind of hard to explain because we all have differing points of view that give Christmas meaning to us. I saw this in our church’s Christmas drama this past week. Frankly, it didn’t do much for me. Not for any reason in the music just because of my own inner turmoil with having a hard time enjoying much this season because we lost Isabella. She will not be physically part of our Christmas and that is truly ridiculous for me when I think about it. She was so perfect, fearfully and wonderfully made and she just did not take to life for some unknown reason. Yes, there was the cord and yes there will always be ways to explain it, but the reality is, she just did not take that breath on her own. She just did not take to life. So when I watch church musicals or dramas or even my favorite stories it is just not that satisfying. When I hear people say things like, wow, we have just experienced the true meaning of Christmas, I role my eyes and think, I didn’t, I don’t know what you are talking about. But that is me being honest, I’m kind of a jerk inside my head, be glad you aren’t let in too often. Seriously, I am glad that others find meaning in such things. This year I just don’t find much meaning in those usual things. But I did stop to think about that phrase this year, “The true meaning of Christmas.” For the first time in my life I think I really understand.
I know that Jesus’ birth is the true meaning; it is the true reason why we celebrate. But what is it about that birth that we celebrate. Well, in truth we celebrate that birth because in that birth we can celebrate His death. Celebrate death? That sounds kind of twisted doesn’t it? But it is true! It is in his death that we have life. However, the meaning of Christmas is not just found in Christ’s death. It is found in the suffering that Christ experienced while on this earth. Jesus knew suffering. He experienced the loss of his earthly, adopted father; he was challenged to run the family business until the other kids were old enough to take over. He was betrayed by a close friend. He was tortured beyond what any of us can humanly comprehend by some of the most ruthless torturers the world has ever known, all because a group of religious leaders felt threatened by what he was doing to their traditions. He never owned land or a home, never married and had a family; he was really as poor as poor could be living off donations. He truly knew what suffering was physically but he also knew suffering in a spiritual sense. As he hung upon the cross, a devise of endless torture that lasted sometimes days, he experienced the outpouring of all our rebellion against God. He truly experienced spiritual separation from God as that was taking place and he screamed out “My God! Why have you forsaken me?” For the first time he felt a separation from the unity he had with God and that truly is spiritual suffering
Before I really get too preachy I want to bring this back full circle, the reason I find meaning in Christ birth this year is because for the first time in my life I have experienced real suffering. I have lost something so near and dear to my heart. I have tasted something so beautiful only to have it ripped away. You see, I now realize in my heart what my head has always known. This world sucks in so many ways. Life is miserably difficult and it is not as it should be. It is messed up and bad thing happen to both good and bad people (whatever that means - good and bad people, I’m not sure any of us are as good as we think). But what Jesus did on that Cross, what he did by sacrificing his perfect sinless life was to provide an opportunity for you and me to escape this suffering. It may take until I turn 100 years old but I will escape this suffering world. My life on earth will be so small in comparison to eternity.
I apologize to my friends who are reading this who do not believe in my faith. I know I have been preachy and believe me, it has not been intentional. I honestly wish I could be more intentional more often because I do believe I have the truth to life that is the only real source of peace to deal with life. Many people believe what I hold on to is just a crutch to help me get through it because the human animal needs something to believe in. This is not a fairy-tale to make me feel better. Believe me, if I could rationalize a different faith in my head that makes sense then I would follow it. See I don’t like being told how much of a sinner I am. I don’t like being told I’m in rebellion to my creator and I will be separated from him in hell unless I follow his plan of salvation. But my desire for the truth is greater than my desire for something that makes me feel good. His ways are not my ways. I would have chosen to believe in something much more attractive than the death of Jesus on the cross to save me from my sins if I could. The problem for me is that nothing else makes as much sense as Christianity to me. It makes perfect sense to me and it is very rationally based. Of course, there is an element of faith involved. Miracles are hard to believe in, especially when the miracle we hoped for never came true. There are elements of theology that are hard to understand, like the trinity and it does require some faith to believe. But the truth that Jesus Christ came and suffered so that one day our suffering could be eliminated if we just trust him makes complete sense to me – now more than ever.
Isabella died and her death is a great example to us all that life sucks and is full of suffering. But the true meaning of Christmas is wrapped up in the truth that Jesus came to set us free from suffering. One day I will taste death because I am a sinner, but it won’t last long because I have a Savior who will not let me see decay and I will live with him and Isabella because he sought me out and helped me see that He is the way the truth and the life. He came so that we could have life and have it to the full. He came so that my suffering will one day be gone when I stand face to face with the one who suffered in my place.
Amen, come Lord quickly.
3 comments:
Amen, brother. I like the "Christmas" song "It's About the Cross" by Go Fish for reasons I was reminded of by your post. Oh, that the world could also say "my desire for the truth is greater than my desire for something that makes me feel good." Thanks for sharing from the heart.
it is too late or I should say too early in the morning as I woke to look out the window to figure if I needed to take your mom to work this morning or let her drive and something drew me to the computer before laying back down. I read this and once again I see what you probably don't see as a proud dad of the things going on inside your head and in your suffering and I know this is not what you are trying to do but you are both inspiring and helping others understand a little why faith is so important. It is about truth and what you are discovering is so the meaning of Christmas. Because Jesus said the reason He came to the earth was to "Testify to the truth." Through your pain you are getting what you said you could not get, you are getting God. And as angry as you are at times and as hurt as you are at times you are not letting satan destroy your faith. I love you son and wish we were closer then we are. There at times seems to be a barrier between us that I cannot explain because we have the most in common but I think it is because you are what I wish I was, someone who knew God from a early age, not a sin free person but one that developed a faith much earlier then I did, one that did not waste so many years and cause so many people the pain I did, the pain I caused your grandma, you never caused me that pain. I am so proud of you thatI cannot explain and I am not giving up on you, Gladys and I working together again for God. I have always believed it was God's will and will not give up on that until I die but will not force it either. When I go to be with Jesus the one thing I leave behind knowing that my life mattered is you and it is why I want you to have all my books I have collected for years. You are different then I but we both have qualities that God will use. I hurt with you but I cannot make the pain go away nor am I sure the pain is supposed to go away because you are helping so many weaker then you cope and begin to understand this life, yes it sucks but with Jesus it is tolerable and at times a joy it is why your middle name is what it is.
Yes and Amen, Come quickly Lord! I ask Him so many times how much longer must we wait. How much longer must we suffer. I always say I know Paul believed Christ to be coming tomorrow just as strongly as I do know, and that was long ago. I long for His return and Believe He is coming soon! You will see your precious babe soon.
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